Sunday, August 25, 2013

WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH



The man who's been designed to love the uniqueness of you will never make you feel like something about you or your circumstances is wrong or needs to be changed. 

Even if something about a woman is in dire need of being addressed, the right man will never point it out in a way that leaves her feeling hurt or fatally flawed, and certainly never bring it up in a fight. 

The right man will love your quirks, support you in the work you're doing and determine with maturity whether the logistics of your lives fits together or not.

The right man isn't going to ask you to change for him, he's going to determine if the two of you've got more than chemistry, if you've got long term compatibility. 

Love by itself is not enough and creating a working relationship at middle age is more challenging than when we were younger and more flexible, especially with kids and careers to consider. 

Women don't realize how specific men's standards for 'the one' is and how men will often settle just to avoid being alone. If you're the one, a man will come up with ways to change his course to include you rather than asking you to do the reverse. 

Lean back, if you're what he really wants, if you tick all his boxes he'll find a way to live his purpose and run his business or have a career that includes you without you having change who you are or give up things you love. In fact, he'll go out of his way to make sure you keep them. 

It's not a romantic 'notion' that women have that creates this, it's an unconscious test that sets a standard for a relationship that can handle life's major stresses. 

If it's not a fit, a conscious man will simply break things off. Less conscious men drag things out, disappear, dump you or cheat when someone that's more convenient appears. Be thankful even for these endings as they save you from a man who would simply be settling if he stayed. 

If he's really the one, he'll never leave you feeling lousy, he may leave - which feels lousy, but he'll do it because he realizes that he's not the one who will completely adore you and needs to make room for the one who will. 

If its tough when you're first in love, how will it handle a financial catastrophe, an illness or a stressful parenting situation???

You deserve to be fully and completely loved for being exactly who you are. Reserve your energy for the man who will spend his life making you feel this way and let go of the ones who make you feel anything other than adored. 

Graham R White

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Self Care - Do you know how?

Recently, I've gone through a major life lesson in self care, expectations and time management. What does that mean? Well I for one had no bloody clue until a lack of energy in my physical body and a high level of anxiety were driving me down a road of no return. And in that, I had no option but to learn.

So how did I start to learn?
Well actually I'm right in the crux of learning and aren't we forever? But the number one realisation was that expectations of every kind were killing my soul. Literally killing my soul and leaving me dangling from edges somewhere and nowhere close to my heart that's for sure. These expectations came in disguises of first and foremost, close relationships and how I felt the need for people to love me. I'd also heavily overcompensated with caring for people throughout my life. I will own that I am good at it, but going over board isn't helpful to anyone or myself and it all just seemed to get increasingly churned up in the expectation cycle. urrrggghh yuk. That is the truthful basis of it. So lesson number one came weeks back now. It was beautiful day and a friend confronted me on some resistance she felt from me. She sat me down, looked me directly in the eyes and said "Lucy I don't want anything from you." BAM, paradigm shift! Did I up until this moment feel as though to gain peoples love I had to achieve something in order to receive?. Mildy or strongly, Yes!. So I realised that the true and wonderful friends in my life, love me, simply for me and without expectation of how I need to be for them. I just am, they just are and so are we. Nice. Thank god for that. How easy to now navigate through the arseholes of the world knowing full well that I have a cheer leading squad supporting my back throughout it all. And to now let go of some of that resistance my friend was speaking of and actually get a little closer to love, being a little more open and a little more present with intimacy.
So from here I learned that if the right people love me and respect me, they'll understand if and when I feel like saying NO to their invitations, and more so support and encourage my down time and keeping low key. And it worked. I recognised if these people are cool with me creating boundaries around my needs, then I'm gonna trickle them out into other aspects of my life and see what happens. So I then quit my job as a community carer. Yep I actually had a job that payed me money to care for people. This job required not only physical and emotional endurance and support for my clients, but I gave it spiritually as well. From shopping, to family sagas and gossip to literally wiping they're bums after a number 2 and cleaning up the mess. These oldies got the very best of me, too much of me.  Quitting this job was like telling the whole last 27years of my life as a people-pleaser to well and truly get fucked!. Ahhhh the empowerment never felt so good. Don't get me wrong, this job did bring many rewards and I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm grateful yet very happy to be moving on. I then found by jumping, the net appeared. I manifested a job in hanging with adolescence but in a lighter more creative way. I finally started my own business as an Art Therapist and as I am the creator, my boundaries are my boundaries. The financial benefit I gain from this work I see as a balanced energy exchange of what I give and what my client receives from me. Win win.

I guess the way I see my life and lessons, especially at the moment, is that they all keep pointing back to number 1. Am I recognising, supporting and surrendering into all the things I need 'within'?. Am I checking in if I am loving and nurturing myself and especially my basic, yet most important needs of self love, home and health balance, right environments and right relationships etc before I can give that energy and share it externally. Checking in if I've got the right foundation for myself?. If I can get this platform right, this foundation, then I can create a platform for 'whatever' I want outside myself and yet my spirit and grounding can still stay stable, whole and integrated. Which means, I don't have anything to lose, I'm in a position only to gain.

For if I keep myself whole, I am home, always.

So the mission from here on is to be gentle in the unfolding of how do I self care. It's become evident to see that if i follow my flow, if i follow my feelings and needs then I'm going to be heading in a lovely direction...

Are you confidently and self caring-ly walking in your own lovely direction?

Love Lucy Xxx

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Believe in a love....

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” 
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

This ones for Hannah!


“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
~ Joseph Campbell

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Gentle men.

I used to think I needed a powerful man, someone who could protect me from the harshness and evils of the world. What I have come to realize is that…the powerful man I was looking for would be foremost, someone who supported me in keeping myself on track spiritually, and in so maintaining clarity within myself, that life would present fewer problems. When it did get rough, he would help me forgive. 
I no longer wanted somebody who would say to me, “Don’t worry honey, if they’re mean to you I’ll beat them up or buy them out.” Instead, I want someone who prays and meditates with me regularly so that fewer monsters from the outer world disturb me, and who when they do, helps me look within my own consciousness for answers, instead of looking to false power to combat false power.
There’s a big difference between a gentle man and a weak man. Weak men make us nervous. Gentle men make us calm.” 
― Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The World's Most Unusual Therapist

by Dr. Joe Vitale

Two years ago, I heard about a therapist in Hawaii who cured a complete ward of criminally insane patients--without ever seeing any of them. The psychologist would study an inmate's chart and then look within himself to see how he created that person's illness. As he improved himself, the patient improved.

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best self-improvement master cure the criminally insane?

It didn't make any sense. It wasn't logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had used a Hawaiian healing process called ho 'oponopono. I had never heard of it, yet I couldn't let it leave my mind. If the story was at all true, I had to know more.

I had always understood "total responsibility" to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it's out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility that way. We're responsible for what we do, not what anyone else does. The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility.

His name is Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a therapist. He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years. That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous. Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place to live, work, or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being released were being freed."

I was in awe.

"Not only that," he went on, "but the staff began to enjoy coming to work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed."

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: "What were you doing within yourself that caused those people to change?"

"I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said.

I didn't understand.

Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your life means that everything in your life - simply because it is in your life--is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: if you take complete responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch, or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your life.

This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy--anything you experience and don't like--is up for you to heal. They don't exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside you. The problem isn't with them, it's with you, and to change them, you have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I began to realize that healing for him and in ho 'oponopono means loving yourself. If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you want to cure anyone--even a mentally ill criminal--you do it by healing you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing, exactly, when he looked at those patients' files?

"I just kept saying, 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' over and over again," he explained.

That's it?

That's it.

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, your improve your world. Let me give you a quick example of how this works: one day, someone sent me an email that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the person who sent the nasty message. This time, I decided to try Dr. Len's method. I kept silently saying, "I'm sorry" and "I love you," I didn't say it to anyone in particular. I was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn't take any outward action to get that apology. I didn't even write him back. Yet, by saying "I love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

I later attended a ho 'oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He's now 70 years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive. He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve myself, my book's vibration will raise, and everyone will feel it when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

"What about the books that are already sold and out there?" I asked.

"They aren't out there," he explained, once again blowing my mind with his mystic wisdom. "They are still in you."

In short, there is no out there.

It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique with the depth it deserves. Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your life, there's only one place to look: inside you.

"When you look, do it with love."

This article is from the forthcoming book "Zero Limits" by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Len

Friday, May 31, 2013

“I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they're your parents. Because, if you're the kind of person who senses there's something out there for you beyond whatever it is you're expected to do - if you want to be EXTRA-ordinary- you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you're not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.” - Kelly Cutrone

Thursday, April 11, 2013

GODDESS

A goddess invents her own life, and lives according to her own vision. This quality requires the companion qualities of imagination and courage.

A goddess is autonomous. She seeks no one's approval, but listens to her own counsel. She answers to no one. She does not try to impress anyone. Her work speaks for itself. She never makes excuses and rarely offers explanations for her actions. She is not defensive for she is not threatened by what other people may think of her. She is the queen of her own life and this is reflected in her demeanor.

A goddess is passionate. She has a palpable energy and enthusiasm that is contagious and beneficial to those around her. In esoteric terms, she raises the vibration in a group situation. She inspires others.

A goddess is continually learning and evolving.

A goddess is authentic. The mask she presents to the outside world is the same as her innermost heart. She has learned to express her emotions cleanly and healthily. What you see is what you get. A goddess knows her own truth. She does not impose her truth on others, but will share her wisdom when invited to.

A goddess takes care of herself. She does not expect others to take care of her. She treats herself as well as she would treat her best friend. She is compassionate and forgiving with herself and others. She gets enough rest and gives her body the right fuel -- both in oxygen and in food and water. She knows what she needs. She feeds her soul.

A goddess is committed to healing the earth and works towards peace and understanding -- whether it is on a large scale or simply within her family and closest circle of friends. She contributes to cleaning up the environment and teaches the next generation to do likewise.

A goddess sees her body (and the earth) as sacred, and is in tune with natural cycles. She is comfortable with her sexuality.

A goddess has learned balance and patience. Flow and ebb. Waxing and waning. A goddess does not freak out during ebb or waning times. She uses it wisely for rest, reflection, and planning.

A goddess has learned to trust her intuition and inner knowing. She has learned to tap into this source at will.

A goddess has learned to let go of the need to control the flow of the river. She has discovered the futility of trying too hard. She has learned to ride the wave and go with the flow, to ask for and accept help when required. She is flexible, fluid, and adaptable. She has given up the need to control or manipulate. She does not pout or whine when she does not get her way.

A goddess communicates her boundaries. She is gentle but firm when her boundaries are violated. She respects others' boundaries. She asks for clarification when necessary.

A goddess recognizes and honors other goddesses and gods. She lends her support to the work of other god/desses. She does not feel competitive or threatened by other goddesses and understands that what is good for one is good for all, and that when one shines, the light benefits all. A goddess knows how to share and is generous of spirit, but she knows her limitations and does not give more than what she can afford -- emotionally, financially, physically, or energy-wise.

A goddess's natural state is one of joy and gratitude. She is also at home with her shadow, and will honestly mourn her losses and explore her fears. She understands that everyone experiences pain -- it is part of life on earth. Therefore she works through her own pain with courage and dignity, not trying to sidestep it, or numb it, but to get through it and learn from it.

A goddess is comfortable with death, and has learned to let go.... of relationships, concepts, and material possessions that are worn out, or that no longer serve her growth.

Monday, April 8, 2013

"We cannot control the wind, but we can adjust the sails." -Dolly Parton

The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.

Smile

“Smiling is infectious you catch it like the flu.
When someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too.
I passed around the corner, and someone saw me grin,
And when he smiled, I realised, I’d passed it onto him.
I thought about the smile a lot and realised its worth,
A single smile, like mine or yours, could travel round the earth.
So if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected.
Let’s start an epidemic quick and get the world infected” ~ Anon

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

If we have reached a level of awareness that enables us to see all that is wrong with the world and those around us, the next step is to go inward and start weeding all of those things out of ourselves. Reality is a projection of what is inside us, and it's time for all of us to start cleaning house. - Katherine Bell

Art by John William Waterhouse


May you be peaceful and joyful and recognize that your senses are sacred thresholds.

May you realize that holiness is mindful, gazing, feeling, hearing, and touching.

May your senses gather you and bring you home.

May your senses always enable you to celebrate the universe and the mystery and possibilities in your presence here…..
-“A Blessing For The Senses” by John O’Donohue, Excerpted from Anam Cara

Art by Denis Nunez Rodriguez


“Ma – You scared a goin’ to a new place?”

Her eyes grew thoughtful and soft. “A little,” she said. “Only it ain’t like scared so much. I’m jus’ a settin’ here waitin’. When somepin happens that I got to do somepin – I’ll do it.”

“Ain’t you thinkin’ what’s it gonna be like when we get there? Ain’t you scared it won’t be nice like we thought?’

“No,” she said quickly. “No, I ain’t. You can’t do that. I can’t do that . It’s too much – livin’ too many lives. Up ahead they’s a thousan’ lives we might live, but when it comes, it’ll only be one. If I go ahead on all of em, it’s too much. You got to live ahead ‘cause you’re so young, but – it’s jus’ the road goin’ by for me.”

John Steinbeck’s Ma and Tom in the Grapes of Wrath.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Letting go of Resistance.

"When people ask how long does it take for something to manifest...Well It takes as long as it takes you to release the resistance. Could be 30 years, could be 40 years, could be 50 years, could be a week. Could be tomorrow afternoon."
~ Abraham


Wednesday, January 16, 2013

My Love

Right there, in the middle of an ordinary life...love gave me a fairy tale.