WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

The man who's been designed to love the uniqueness of you will never make you feel like something about you or your circumstances is wrong or needs to be changed. 

Even if something about a woman is in dire need of being addressed, the right man will never point it out in a way that leaves her feeling hurt or fatally flawed, and certainly never bring it up in a fight. 

The right man will love your quirks, support you in the work you're doing and determine with maturity whether the logistics of your lives fits together or not.

The right man isn't going to ask you to change for him, he's going to determine if the two of you've got more than chemistry, if you've got long term compatibility. 

Love by itself is not enough and creating a working relationship at middle age is more challenging than when we were younger and more flexible, especially with kids and careers to consider. 

Women don't realize how specific men's standards for 'the one' is and how men will often settle just to avoid being alone. If you're the one, a man will come up with ways to change his course to include you rather than asking you to do the reverse. 

Lean back, if you're what he really wants, if you tick all his boxes he'll find a way to live his purpose and run his business or have a career that includes you without you having change who you are or give up things you love. In fact, he'll go out of his way to make sure you keep them. 

It's not a romantic 'notion' that women have that creates this, it's an unconscious test that sets a standard for a relationship that can handle life's major stresses. 

If it's not a fit, a conscious man will simply break things off. Less conscious men drag things out, disappear, dump you or cheat when someone that's more convenient appears. Be thankful even for these endings as they save you from a man who would simply be settling if he stayed. 

If he's really the one, he'll never leave you feeling lousy, he may leave - which feels lousy, but he'll do it because he realizes that he's not the one who will completely adore you and needs to make room for the one who will. 

If its tough when you're first in love, how will it handle a financial catastrophe, an illness or a stressful parenting situation???

You deserve to be fully and completely loved for being exactly who you are. Reserve your energy for the man who will spend his life making you feel this way and let go of the ones who make you feel anything other than adored. 

Graham R White

Self Care - Do you know how?

Recently, I've gone through a major life lesson in self care, expectations and time management. What does that mean? Well I for one had no bloody clue until a lack of energy in my physical body and a high level of anxiety were driving me down a road of no return. And in that, I had no option but to learn.

So how did I start to learn?
Well actually I'm right in the crux of learning and aren't we forever? But the number one realisation was that expectations of every kind were killing my soul. Literally killing my soul and leaving me dangling from edges somewhere and nowhere close to my heart that's for sure. These expectations came in disguises of first and foremost, close relationships and how I felt the need for people to love me. I'd also heavily overcompensated with caring for people throughout my life. I will own that I am good at it, but going over board isn't helpful to anyone or myself and it all just seemed to get increasingly churned up in the expectation cycle. urrrggghh yuk. That is the truthful basis of it. So lesson number one came weeks back now. It was beautiful day and a friend confronted me on some resistance she felt from me. She sat me down, looked me directly in the eyes and said "Lucy I don't want anything from you." BAM, paradigm shift! Did I up until this moment feel as though to gain peoples love I had to achieve something in order to receive?. Mildy or strongly, Yes!. So I realised that the true and wonderful friends in my life, love me, simply for me and without expectation of how I need to be for them. I just am, they just are and so are we. Nice. Thank god for that. How easy to now navigate through the arseholes of the world knowing full well that I have a cheer leading squad supporting my back throughout it all. And to now let go of some of that resistance my friend was speaking of and actually get a little closer to love, being a little more open and a little more present with intimacy.
So from here I learned that if the right people love me and respect me, they'll understand if and when I feel like saying NO to their invitations, and more so support and encourage my down time and keeping low key. And it worked. I recognised if these people are cool with me creating boundaries around my needs, then I'm gonna trickle them out into other aspects of my life and see what happens. So I then quit my job as a community carer. Yep I actually had a job that payed me money to care for people. This job required not only physical and emotional endurance and support for my clients, but I gave it spiritually as well. From shopping, to family sagas and gossip to literally wiping they're bums after a number 2 and cleaning up the mess. These oldies got the very best of me, too much of me.  Quitting this job was like telling the whole last 27years of my life as a people-pleaser to well and truly get fucked!. Ahhhh the empowerment never felt so good. Don't get me wrong, this job did bring many rewards and I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm grateful yet very happy to be moving on. I then found by jumping, the net appeared. I manifested a job in hanging with adolescence but in a lighter more creative way. I finally started my own business as an Art Therapist and as I am the creator, my boundaries are my boundaries. The financial benefit I gain from this work I see as a balanced energy exchange of what I give and what my client receives from me. Win win.

I guess the way I see my life and lessons, especially at the moment, is that they all keep pointing back to number 1. Am I recognising, supporting and surrendering into all the things I need 'within'?. Am I checking in if I am loving and nurturing myself and especially my basic, yet most important needs of self love, home and health balance, right environments and right relationships etc before I can give that energy and share it externally. Checking in if I've got the right foundation for myself?. If I can get this platform right, this foundation, then I can create a platform for 'whatever' I want outside myself and yet my spirit and grounding can still stay stable, whole and integrated. Which means, I don't have anything to lose, I'm in a position only to gain.

For if I keep myself whole, I am home, always.

So the mission from here on is to be gentle in the unfolding of how do I self care. It's become evident to see that if i follow my flow, if i follow my feelings and needs then I'm going to be heading in a lovely direction...

Are you confidently and self caring-ly walking in your own lovely direction?

Love Lucy Xxx

Believe in a love....

“Believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” 

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

This ones for Hannah!

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

~ Joseph Campbell